Recently,things have been not going smooth for me.Come to think of it,things have ever hardly been smooth for me.Life's getting tougher by the day.Love's not coming my way.Seems like Cupid and Yuet Lou hates me.I must have done something in my past life to be going through such an emotional torture.I'm only 19!Why do I have to worry about these things?I don't really know.Maybe it's because most of my friends have experienced love and be loved by someone who they can share their joy and pain,who they can shower their affection or be showered by affection upon,someone who will be by their side in good or bad,some who will say,darling,I love you or as simple as spending time together just strolling the parks holding hands.I have been searching for a girl worthy enough for me to pursue,worthy enough to shower my attention upon,someone who understands me,accepts me for who I am,embraces me for who I am.I see my friends finding love and going through the sweet and bitter moments of relationships and I really envy them.All I want is a girl who understands my principals,tolerates my mood swings and just want to spend time with me.A girl who I can do my favourite activities with,something simple like cycling or jogging or travelling with,someone who I can have dinner with and look into her eyes and see her love for me and I retort it back,someone who I can walk around a park with and be totally immersed in her as she is immersed in me,a girl who calls me to tell me she miss me,proudly says I am the love of her life and expects nothing from me except to love her with all my heart,a girl who will be my best friend and my partner.Seems like impossible but hey,dream is free and it's unlimited and it's what makes life easier.That is one part of my life that's going down the drain and doesn't look like it will be surfacing anytime soon.Heartaches galore.Whining is not a manly thing to do and I am doing it because I can't take it anymore.The other part,is my body which is horrendous.Pain and pain and more pain.Don't know how much more I can take.Thinking about death more and more these days.Death seems to be a better option than to continue living because of all the suffering.I want to work,I don't care what,I just want to work but a work with a reasonable pay.I don't want to ask money from mother anymore.I'm a MAN now and I have go to start acting like one.Start to take the responsibility of taking care of this family and provide good living for mother.I hope I get good results and get to enter a good university and be able to pursue my dreams and labour my creative energy.If I get to enter the film industry,I will immerse myself in it and work my ass off day in day out.And stop thinking about love.I will try my best.About Buddha,I saw a documentary the other day,about Egypt and they did a topic on Buddhism.A tooth that was supposed to belong to Buddha was kept in Sri Lanka and they way they treat it,would've made him sick to the stomach.Buddha preached about modesty and about choosing the Middle Path.He said to never treat him like a god because he said he is not a god only a human.The tooth was kept in a gleaming gold stupa and is being worshipped like a cross and He is being worshipped like a god.It's sad to see that a country that is almost famous for Buddhism has veered off to such a degree that it has lost it's core teaching.Buddha gave up palace life and a beautiful wife and son to venture out into the cold dark distorted world it was back then and lived a life of wearing a yellow robe and surviving on alms given.All these and those monks are milking off Buddha's teeth.Karma shall take it's course and we shall see what happens.

The 1st post of A True Human

This is my first post and I have nothing in my head currently that's worth to talk about so this post will be short.