Got my results.Failed Economy as predicted.B+ in Pengajian Am is a pleasant surprise.Bahasa Malaysia and Pengajian Perniagaan both are C graded.Though not a 4 flat,still a satisfactory result for me.A fair indication of the effort I put into my studies through the whole of Form 6,which is barely.I passed.But with a horrible pointer of 1.5 or lower,my chances of admission into a public university is almost slim to none.
A fact which doesn't really bother me.what bothers me is that,my private life,is going down the dumps.I have never been in any relationship,I have no proper female friend and seems to drive girls away.All that I've said about Buddhism,about suffering,I couldn't escape it.I know that all these happens because I am craving it but,still,even Buddha had all the worldly pleasures to begin with before he left it all behind.I got nothing to start with.All that I am asking for,is a girl that I can connect with spiritually,emotionally,and physically.Someone who understands me.Someone,who is my best friend in a way.I don't understand.Why other guys get girls so easily while I have to go through hail and hell to just talk to a girl and befriend them.I am just not rich and not good looking.That's all.I could bring more adventure and thrill into a relationship than 10 guys could.Yet,there's no one I could shower my affection to.All the time,I dream of one day being in a relationship and having a companion for a change.And that silhouette would be more than just that.There's a real person there,a girl,whose the prettiest in my eyes.That sounds so so superficial.I know and I don't care.After all that I have endured,I deserve it.It's a dream that I will always hold on to.
Now,about career.My ambitions are as clear and vivid as it gets.My destination,USA.Hollywood.The mecca of the world's filming industry.I know that Asians are looked down upon in the western world.I don't care.I will work hard in my own eastern hemisphere to create a name for myself.Make TOH CHIN HONG a household name in filming industry.I know that my ideas and my way of thinking is paradoxical to modern times,but,in a sense,I hold on to the true quality of film making.I might be an ignorant fool talking about all of these in my study room and never even touched a camera before but in my mind,I have seen it all and experienced it all.I shall be bringing my mind to the film industry and showcase it to the public.I shall.People like Cecil.B Demille,Samuel Goldwyn and many more are my idol and they represent the highest peak a person can go in the filming industry.They will be my examplary figures.Getting late and my english is starting to go down the toilet.Continue some other day.
