The Revival of The Brain

It's been so long. I feel I've changed but have I really? I have finally graduated and I am now pursuing the career I wanted all along but with certain degree of difficulty. Looking back at it all,everything felt like a series of insurmountable challenges. 

The challenges are still there but they have morphed into different forms. The desperate loneliness of my early varsity days are finally over and I have found a new and wonderful circle of friends. The social awkwardness is less now,with my mouth and mind becoming more and more fluid everyday. I am slowly finding myself. But the biggest challenge remains. The nearly unbearable constant physical pain. 

Sometimes,I wonder if all this pain is a manifestation of a bigger mental issue or was I so deeply influenced by Hugh Laurie's brilliant character of Dr.Gregory House. I need effective pain management.I know that painkillers can't help forever and the day will come when I will need more. 

But I hope I'll find new ways to manage the pain before it gets to that. Despite all that,my passion for film making has not dulled the slightest. I am still as passionate about it as when I ordered the first edition of New York Film Academy's catalog. But that is also where it has stalled. I have lost the source of inspiration,drained by constant pain. It's just so much pain. But I take heart in the new dawns of late. I will not give up. I will start a new story and this will be my writing medium.You can look forward to that.

The Karaoke

Today,I done my dreaded Written Discourse exam and it was surely irritating.Nothin' against the lecturer,I am just not interested in that subject.After class,I had my second karaoke session.
My friends gave awesome Korean and Mandarin concerts!And I sang some rockin' oldies.Kinda weird tho' I was singing all oldies.Guess I'm am old soul.
Came back to hostel and my stomach started churning.Dang it.After some toilet session,things are finally back in order.What to do tonight?I wanted to play pool but it was raining.Damn it I wanna play pool!

The Revolution of Me

It's been a while since my last post and my life couldn't have changed much more than it did from last year.Last year I was a dejected man.Sad and lonely,I have even forgotten how to smile and since the beginning of this year,I am slowly relearning to smile again.It couldn't have changed much more and it's been a complete turnaround. When I first came to this university,I was bitter and begrudging.And the things that happened afterwards didn't make life any more bearable.

I was eager for the semester break to arrive and when it did,it couldn't have been sooner.I went back to my hometown which is timeless Taiping. The 2 month sabbatical was fantastic and I started my new semester reinvigorated.Initially,I wasn't very excited about it but then,I came to know a bunch of fun loving absolutely preposterous friends.You guys and girls know who you are! And from then on,everything changed for the better.I laughed more in the past month than I ever did the whole of last year and I actually felt happy,really happy.And in these past 2 days,I felt happiness that I haven't felt in a long long while. Study's tough but I wouldn't accept any less.

I am studying things that I like with the people I am actually eager to meet.Only thing was I should have taken a few more subjects.Still,if I don't labor in university,I wouldn't have experienced university life. University life is an ongoing topic and I,will just enjoy everyday and take everything that comes in stride and immerse myself in this new found happiness.

Lately I watched quite a few apocalypse themed shows.It was shown on History channel but I wouldn't consider most of their programs a documentary.But,to a certain extent,their shows are based on facts and I,accept those facts.Though I am anti religion,I still believe that humanity is nearing it's expiration date very soon. Most of their shows are based on the prophecy of the legendary Nostradamus.I must say,his writings are very vague in meaning and if I read it with a simple mind,it wouldn't have meant anything to me.However,there are some parts that he wrote very clearly and concisely and it could be understood by just about anyone.He definitively foresaw the evil that Napoleon and Hitler would commit and even Napoleon himself took notice.

Nostradamus said that there would be a third evil and that Napoleon and Hitler had paved the way for the third evil to unleash an even greater horror upon the world.It is all very intriguing and for me,exciting.If this prophecy is to come true,humanity would definitely not survive and the world will change to coincide with this evil and the combination of this two,would lead to th extinction of the human species.I,however,feel that this extinction could happen sooner.

New me

It's been a few months since I logged in.And many things had happened during those few months.I changed as a person.I have become the harbinger of doom.All I see nowadays are the evil that humans have done and their arrogance over it.I have changed so much it's a new me nowadays.I don't show it.Things are changing and it's changing fast.I'll have to cope with it.

POST STPM

Got my results.Failed Economy as predicted.B+ in Pengajian Am is a pleasant surprise.Bahasa Malaysia and Pengajian Perniagaan both are C graded.Though not a 4 flat,still a satisfactory result for me.A fair indication of the effort I put into my studies through the whole of Form 6,which is barely.I passed.But with a horrible pointer of 1.5 or lower,my chances of admission into a public university is almost slim to none.
A fact which doesn't really bother me.what bothers me is that,my private life,is going down the dumps.I have never been in any relationship,I have no proper female friend and seems to drive girls away.All that I've said about Buddhism,about suffering,I couldn't escape it.I know that all these happens because I am craving it but,still,even Buddha had all the worldly pleasures to begin with before he left it all behind.I got nothing to start with.All that I am asking for,is a girl that I can connect with spiritually,emotionally,and physically.Someone who understands me.Someone,who is my best friend in a way.I don't understand.Why other guys get girls so easily while I have to go through hail and hell to just talk to a girl and befriend them.I am just not rich and not good looking.That's all.I could bring more adventure and thrill into a relationship than 10 guys could.Yet,there's no one I could shower my affection to.All the time,I dream of one day being in a relationship and having a companion for a change.And that silhouette would be more than just that.There's a real person there,a girl,whose the prettiest in my eyes.That sounds so so superficial.I know and I don't care.After all that I have endured,I deserve it.It's a dream that I will always hold on to.
Now,about career.My ambitions are as clear and vivid as it gets.My destination,USA.Hollywood.The mecca of the world's filming industry.I know that Asians are looked down upon in the western world.I don't care.I will work hard in my own eastern hemisphere to create a name for myself.Make TOH CHIN HONG a household name in filming industry.I know that my ideas and my way of thinking is paradoxical to modern times,but,in a sense,I hold on to the true quality of film making.I might be an ignorant fool talking about all of these in my study room and never even touched a camera before but in my mind,I have seen it all and experienced it all.I shall be bringing my mind to the film industry and showcase it to the public.I shall.People like Cecil.B Demille,Samuel Goldwyn and many more are my idol and they represent the highest peak a person can go in the filming industry.They will be my examplary figures.Getting late and my english is starting to go down the toilet.Continue some other day.

POST STPM